This Week In Irrelevance

Well I’ve gotten a couple people point out that I haven’t been blogging as regularly as usual (read: at all), so this seems like as good a time as any to try out a new weekly feature called This Week In Irrelevance. Basically it’s a list of what seems to be captivating most of the world but I just can’t bring myself to care about. And because I don’t care about it, I write about it. Make sense?

• Sarah Palin’s tell-all – Former Alaska governor, former vice president hopeful — former lots of things, really — will publish her book, “Going Rogue, An American Life,” Nov. 17. So all of you who have been pining for a 400-page reason not to believe what those anonymous Republicans said about the “diva” toward the end of the 2008 presidential race, your wish has come true. (Spoiler alert: It was everybody else’s fault but hers that she strayed from the campaign direction.)

• Jenny Slate f-b0mbs SNL – In case you were wondering — yes, I watched Saturday Night Live when cast member Jenny Slate, who had a **** of a first day on the show, dropped the f-word in a skit. There are a couple reasons it shocks me that literally every media outlet in America covered this story. 1) It’s Saturday Night Live, which is not known for its kid-friendly viewing. That same episode had a flasher in a Transformers mask, a how-to tape on sexual positions and a phone sex line that advertises itself for murderers and people who want to be murderered. The f-bomb was far from the most offensive part of the show — that honor goes to Megan Fox (hi-yo!). 2) The skit was written to have the characters say the word “frickin” over and over and over and over and over. Ya think somebody might slip up?

• Parents lie to children – In a groundbreaking study, it was found that parents often lie to their children. Also, we pay people to do these studies. If somebody would just call me first and ask if parents lie to their kids, we could move on to study some other issues, like cancer and stuff. Plus, aren’t the lies we tell our kids (this hurts me more than it hurts you, Rover went to a big farm where he could run around, eat your vegetables or you won’t grow, the dentist won’t hurt you, flatulence isn’t funny, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy) really just stopgaps until they learn the truth on their own? Kids need reasons to be good, clean their room, share toys and not flatulate in church, so parents just do what needs to be done.

• Michael Jackson is still dead – In the latest piece of Michael Jackson news, which is amazing when you think about it that we still have Michael Jackson news, The Michael Jackson Tapes will be revealed in a book. They are expected to fill in the final slivers of his life that we didn’t already know everything about and have been dying to learn — friendship with Madonna, fear of growing old, shyness — wait, didn’t we already know all that? Larry King will be playing some of the tapes on his show tonight, though, so there’s that…

• Bill Clinton loves the ladies – In an upcoming book written by a former Clinton aide, the female staff member says the President walked her into a hotel room and gave her a hug that “lingered a little too long,” and Clinton was always flirting with women around him. In related news, the sky is blue.

• Golfer hits two holes-in-one – I’m just kidding — as a guy who has never had a hole-in-one, I’m fascinated by this story. One of these days, I’m going to get one, and you all are getting a 4,000-word post on every detail.

Like This Week In Irrelevance? Hate it? Let me know in the comments.